Marriage: One year and counting…

This year has been a whirlwind!

1. We got married.

2. We opened a coffee shop.

3. We bought a house.

4. We made a baby!

Those are 4 major milestones in life.

A few things I’ve learned this year:

1. God is always faithful. He is more faithful than my feelings, more true than my reasoning, closer than my skin, and more delighted in remaking and renewing me than I ever knew.

2. Pre and post-marriage counseling are good. Do it. Do it often.

3. Community is absolutely necessary for flourishing.

4. God is more glorified when we are most satisfied in him. (Thank you John Piper).

5. Self-centeredness is my main problem.

6. We are not writing a tragedy – we are writing a romance, and this romance includes conversation, conflict and yes – sex!

7. People are EXTREMELY COMPLICATED. They do not fall into neatly created categories. They are organic; they change; they move; they alter; they are amazingly resilient.

8. I will persevere. This may seem a strange thing to learn – but I always sort of thought there would be a time where I would just fall down and never get back up. God is bigger than even this.

9. Eric is the one. The one! Almost everyday, at some point during the day, I wonder to myself how in the heck I managed to get connected with such an amazing man. He thinks God is awesome. He lives the gospel. He is quirky. He is adorable. He is strong. He is valiant. He is malleable. He is a teacher. He is a leader. He is broken, and he knows it. He is a wonderful friend. He is full of vision and energy. He is a pursuer. He is a servant. He is an artist. He is a thinker. He cooks. He cleans. He is social. He likes to spend time with just me. He always tells me I look beautiful, even when I know I look heinous. He doesn’t care if I don’t shave my legs – in fact, he thinks it’s kind of neat. He is sweet and gentle. He is patient. He listens.

I could just keep going. But – he is the one.

10. I am not perfect; but Christ’s righteousness is what saves me. This is a new thought. I always believed that he died for me, but there is definitely this quid pro quo Christianity. He died for you; now, how are you going to “show/repay/prove yourself to him”? I am learning that he did more than die for me. He stood for me. He replaced me. It is he, not I. Ah! So beautiful, the grace.

So – that’s not all I learned, but those are the top 10 things that have made a huge difference as this year has progressed. Can’t wait for year two!

Love,

Lora

Dads: Paper Dolls.

We had a chocolate, tan and white rug that lay in the middle of the floor right in between the TV and the couch. It was a cushy rug in which you could, if you were  a child, immerse almost 1/2 of your finger. I used to push all of my fingers into the rug and make several indentions, draw a smilie face, write my name – it was a malleable rug.

My dad is wonderful with small children. He has a perfect sense of how to capture, enlighten and draw out the essence of a child’s imagination.

Dolly Dingle came to visit my house when I was probably 6. I can say, pretty clearly, that I was 6 because I cut all of my hair off in Kindergarten and was accused of looking like a boy.

Dolly Dingle came in a 20-30 page book, and she had many friends, parents, some pets and about 15 outfits. She also had hats and shoes.

Dad and I had a day together, and I introduced him to Dolly Dingle. When Dad met her, she was just a little girl wearing what any paper doll wears – some odd looking 1920’s bloomers and a tank-top.

I sat there, on the rug, and asked Dad if he would help me cut out the paper dolls so I could play with them. My 6 yr old fingers weren’t precise, and I had a tendency to accidently snip the folds that were supposed to keep the hats and dresses on.

Dad sat there with me; he trimmed and snipped and chatted with me about Dolly Dingle and what she was up to.

When we finished – we had cut out the entire 20-30 page book – every outfit, every pet, neighbor, parents and hat. Dad cut out her name, and we picked out an outfit for Dolly (in all of her various positions). We dressed every one of them, and we stuffed them into the rug.

They all stood up – the entire Dolly Dingle community – ready for the festivities of play time with a dad and his daughter.

My dad didn’t have a son to play football with, but regardless – he cut out all of his daughter’s paper dolls and played make-believe with her until she was satisfied.

Lora

The Baby Blog.

For a short and sweet – very concise and random assortment of peppy pregger information – please check out the baby blog:

www.kelleybaby.wordpress.com

Beware, the word placenta might be used.

-Lora

Honestly…?

I think I have a problem with “honesty.”

I find that there are too many selves to which I want to be authentic.

There is:

• the “Be tough, you can do this, Lora!” self,
• the “intellect and reading will get me through this” self,
• the “ahhhh, I am so vulnerable and over-whelmed” self,
• the “Just make everyone happy” self,
• the “Hair is good, lipstick is right, – did I tell you that I’m awesome?” self
• the “cannot disappoint people” self (which might closely related to make everyone happy self)
• the “I am a loner” self
• the “I love people! Give me more friends, please!” self

Either way – all of these selves are an authentic, at least in some way, representation of me. And yet, divided into categories and actually existing in reality – they are fairly dishonest.

On the one hand – intellect and reading is helpful, but on the other hand, I feel completely lost and vulnerable. And I am never quite sure how to reconcile all of these different ways  of being – into a person that is fraught with dignity, wisdom and yet is completely stable in her emotional sensibilities.

Pregnancy is a lonely thing. Sure, there are other people who have experienced it – so it’s not as if there isn’t a companion with which to commiserate to be found, but when you break it down, in marriage or outside of it even, as the pregnant one – you are quite alone.

It’s impossibly hard to describe, everyone’s experience is different, and the spiritual mystery of life growing within you is – well, incredibly frightening, at least for me.

I’m sure I have deluded myself into thinking that I have any semblance of control over my own self or other people – but, when it boils down to it, I will be introducing another being into the world over which I have about 0 % control. He or she will be a totally different, not pre-existing, new new new new person. A NEW PERSON.

So, in this, I cannot figure out what I am supposed to be feeling. I mean, I’d like to shoot for what I’m “supposed to” be feeling. But, even if there was a recipe – I’m not sure the estrogen would grant me access to it.

I feel this strange alienation from the person I used to be, and I haven’t even really changed yet – but the knowledge growing (now the size of peach) within me had made everything different somehow. I feel paralyzed to know what to do in this waiting pattern before he/she actually makes her existance tangible.

I think, perhaps, what I realized as I just rambled on here – is that I strive for what I think I’m “supposed to be”  -feeling, thinking, doing, …. And perhaps, I just ought to feel, think, and do.  Most of the time, I never feel like I’m actually doing what I’m “supposed to be” doing. Not sure. These are new thoughts.

Oh, pregnancy – beautiful and formidable.

A Woman’s Work.

Do you ever feel like there is a work that is particularly woman?
OR
That there is a thought out there (or many thoughts) about what YOUR work as a woman ought to look like?

I thrive on conversation that produces new thoughts. I actually enjoy it more than chocolate or massages (though, both good and delicious things). And, as I am moving toward motherhood, I have begun to realize how many conversations circulate about what women can or cannot do/should or should not do/want to do and don’t want to do – and how their identity is shaped by all of these conversations, expectations and pressures.

So, here are 3 tid-bits I gleaned this week, nuggets to chew on and process, from very wise and interesting women and men:

1. A quote:

“I don’t want to be told I cannot do this because I am a woman or I have to do this because I am a woman.“

Is this something that strikes you?

2. The Tripod of Creational Relationship:

As a man, you can think of yourself in terms of various roles and none of them are mutually exclusive. For example, if you are a businessman, you may also be a husband, and you may also be a father. 

It is the potential tripod of relationship on which you stand. All are considered equally important, valuable and good. Of course you may be a husband and a businessman, or janitor, or pastor or painter. Why would being a husband exclude your vocational calling?

Of course you may also be a father and a musician, photographer, CEO or DJ. You may run construction, or teach swimming lessons, be a professor or a therapist. 

It is understood, for men, that there is a trifecta of relationship that is acceptable, if not expected. Husband, Father, Vocation.

For women, however, we tend to understand ourselves in terms of a relational bi-pod or monopod. It looks something like this.

• Vocation.
• Wife and Vocation.
• Wife and mother.

Mother and vocation are interchangeable and almost a synonymous. Your motherhood IS your vocation. 

Do you ever feel like this? Does this ring true to you? Do you feel pressure to either accept or deny this? What are your thoughts on the roles available to women?

3. A Creational Illustration – The Image of God:

There are two ways to conceive of the image of God.

1. Only man and woman in unity fully image God.
2. Each individual fully images God.

I can see both sides to this idea, but for the sake of argument I will say this:

First, The name of image-bearer was given in the midst of gender distinction, but not divided by this distinction. It says he created “man” as the whole in his own image. And moves to state that male and female are in his image.

Secondly, we must consider that an individual reflects the image of God with as much importance and celebrated dignity as the unity of male and female.

Lastly, it is important not to divide God’s image into particular characteristics – these are the feminine parts of God, these are the masculine parts of God.

Why does this matter?

Because the creational mandate prior to the fall was to flourish/work and multiply. It was a two-fold mandate given equally to each image-bearing person, in a non-discriminate way.

Not – YOU, man work. And you LADY, multiply. But with mutuality – flourish/work and multiply. Consequently, the call to a vocation, husband/wife, father/mother, was a dual call – giving weight and dignity to both persons for all three aspects – not making the three exclusive of each other or synonymous of each other, but individual yet interdependent.

Do you feel like the image of God is divided between genders? Do you feel like a woman must choose between her created vocational sensibilities and motherhood? Do you think that her created vocational sensibilities become motherhood? How do you reconcile your gifting and abilities as you pursue or think about the different roles a woman? Do you feel like motherhood and vocation are pitted against themselves?