Contentment: the sneaky sin.

Proverbs 19:23
The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content , untouched by trouble.

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

I struggle.

There is a thick knot and a rope and someone holding on to the other end, and I am viciously and violently tugging on that rope.

Most of my time is spend pulling, jerking, wrestling before God – even if I feel like I’m wrestling in the privacy of my own heart – it is before God and his court and the great cloud of witnesses presented to me in Hebrews.

Usually I would say that my great sin is distrust. I think, in fact, that I do struggle to trust the Lord and people. I assume, because I know the evil of my own heart, that others are just as sneaky and malicious as I am. Anytime someone who is distrustful says so to me – I automatically question whether they can see deception in others because they are deceptive. Often the very struggles we see in others are the things we struggle with ourselves.

I have contentment radar.

I can almost always immediately tell if someone is content with where they are – if their great pleasure is at rest in God’s promises or whether its ravenous for something else.

It bugs me when Christians are not content. I think, of all we have in our repertoire to prove our God, this is one of the best reflections of Jesus in us; it at least is the most unnerving.

Ever been around a person who is not jostled by the brokenness of their own life? Not a fake off-putting smirk about life, but a true and serene peace about the Lord’s goodness to them. It takes decades of this to establish trust with other people that you actually are content because contentment is so rare and weird. Usually the assumption, if you look content, is this: you are lying to yourself or you are lying to everyone else. Why? Because life is hard. Because in order to really work in this culture, to fit in, we all need some measure of discontentment.

Think of consumerism all by itself:

• If we were content – J. Crew would go out of business – because, well… a NEW SPRING WARDROBE wouldn’t be that appealing… if we were content with what we have.
• The cell phone companies would probably have to create phones that actually didn’t break every 6th months – because, well… we wouldn’t be switching phones every time a new model came out.
• There would be no such thing as designer labels – because, well… we’d be just fine with Target jeans.
• Things might actually be created to work exactly as they ought – because the purchaser would all want to buy something solely on its merit.

Contentment isn’t a lack of desire, nor is it settling for something less. Contentment desires the highest good – GOD, and it settles for nothing less than Christ at the center. It is a deep knowledge of God’s faithfulness and a satisfaction with what God has given you this side of full redemption. It is also the trust that what has been given is for your good – even if this “good” is not the conventional word on good.

It can only, really, truly be given to us by the holy spirit.

This is probably one of my biggest struggles.  It doesn’t really matter what I am doing – I just feel cranky. My great pleasure is always destroyed by my pride, legalism, or general fear and distrust.

Today I went an entire day without Television. Here is my verse for the day on that:

Philippians 4:8-9

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

40 Day Challenge.

You will create a culture and you will set up habits that enforce that culture.

-Greg Thompson

 

When Eric and I first began pre-marriage counseling, Greg Thompson listed out a few areas we could go over as the wedding approached. One of this was the Spiritual aspect of marriage.

He said, “You will create a culture and you will set up habits that enforce that culture.”

Over time, as with all things, enforcers begin to become the culture of the house.

For example, you can have a culture of materialism:

I want, I want, I want – so first, the desire of wanting is the culture

and buying things enforces that culture.

Then overtime, buying things to satiate a desire becomes the culture. You have kids – they want, you buy. Voila.

Eventually, you begin to think that the problem is just buying things because that has become the culture and there are other things now that have cropped up to support buying things. But really the problem was the initial desire supported by the habit that created the culture in which material possessions take front and center.

For me, I wanted to create a culture of worship. ( I mean, it sounds ideal right?? Lets shoot for the ideal goal here!)

What I wanted was a sense that I was being shaped by how much I valued Christ – that he was WORTHY of SHAPING me. Worship.

Clearly this is easier said than done. I mean – we have so many enforcers of idols. And they are all so acceptable and dressed in holy clothing that it’s hard to tell the difference between legitimate needs and tyrannical masters.

In the past few months I’ve begun this downward slip of trading time that could be spend shaping my life by Christ shaping it with House, or Grey’s, or any sort of stuff on Hulu. Yesterday, after a particularly long and exhausting day – all I wanted to do was sit on my computer and find some really interesting mind-numbing show that would, for that particular hour or two, dissolve whatever frustrations I was experiencing.

While I did the fellows program, I never had time to watch TV. All I did all day everyday was drench my brain in conversation about questions like:

Who is Christ for culture?
What does being a Christian actually mean?
How are we set apart?

How ought we view sin in ourselves?
What does grace mean for sinners like us?
How do we extend grace to others?

etc etc 

These conversations proved to create in me a desire to learn more about Jesus, to strive after God’s face in hope of reflecting his glory.

S0, I am challenging myself to a lent time-period fast from television. But like all idols – you can only say “No” after saying “Yes” to something else.

So, I am laying it out this way – For every hour I am tempted to waste in-taking fake people’s fake lives, I’m going to spend an hour reading/praying/serving/doing something exceptionally nice for Eric/tending to the needs of friends…

Sex: Bone of Bone – Flesh of Flesh.

Much of my thinking depends upon the belief that human beings are coherent creatures.

What we do with our bodies is intergrally related to what is developing in our minds, our emotions,

and the innermost core that is truly who we are – our spirits and souls.

Also, I am convinced – by logic, experience, history and faith – that the truths of Christianity include accurate, workable, and delightful visions and guidelines for human sexuality.
 

-Marva Dawn, Sexual Character

I Am The Judge.

“You are more wicked than you ever imagined and more loved and accepted than you ever hoped – that’s the gospel.”

-Tim Keller

I typically swing between the two forms of pride – a pious self-saving jerk, or a pathetic over-worked whiner - both of which, from a distance look like faithfulness and gentleness… but upon greater reflection are more devil-oriented than Christ.

The problem with both of these, is while they perhaps speak mightily of Christ and his power or grace – they are driven by a self-centered fear that more than wanting Jesus actually wants people’s approval and esteem or at the very least… acknowledgement of their self-derived confidence and pity.

I was humiliated today. 

I used to think of humiliation as this tragic experience of being called out, dragged bloody into the light of someone else’s perceived reality (obviously it can’t be true that I suck!)… but as I look at Jesus, I am beginning to realize that humiliation is a necessary check on where our hearts have settled, and to go a step further – where we have laid up treasure.

Also, that humiliation only speaks the present moment – not the future and promised grace and glory of His will worked out to completion in my life.

Of course I suck! I am far worse than I ever imagined – but even more loved than my self-pitying can ever successfully quench.

Today I was told that I was judgmental.

To which I asked, “What does judgmental mean?” 

Friend, “Condeming.”

Me, “What does that mean?”

Friend, “You think people are lesser than you and deserve hell.”

Me, “Wow. Really? You think I think that?”

Friend, “It has come off that way – in particular last year, which I why I didn’t talk to you very much.”

We sat there swinging for a few more minutes, sipping tea, a beautiful weeping willow dripping its leaves into the pond before us. I thought for a long time… do I think I am the judge of people? What does it take for me to move from judgment to compassion? From pitying a person – that is thinking I am better off and looking down on them – to having compassion, seeing our similarities and recovering our mutual dignity in Jesus?

I have no idea how that works, but God has promised to sanctify, to help me – steadily move from the throne into a place of kneeling, bowing, face-pressed joyfully down.

And so, while I feel humiliated, I also feel a bit closer to seeing how dreadfully my sin and judgment is the very thing that put Christ on the cross… that I did see equality with God as something to be grasped.

 

 

The Passing.

The Passing.

 

I heard
her passing
on the phone.

A quick draw of breath,
a living expiration.

All of her left,
in books and letters,
a compass on the desk.

Images of evidence

“I am here!” they cry out -
One ½ gallon     organic chocolate milk
and strawberry yogurt.

Two t-shirts laid out to be pressed.

Perhaps we are all just passing,
Summarily collecting
our lives in rusty 
archives of hapless
dream-making

and
plans.

Just to leave
the living
to the

Dying.

Sex: A Christian Practice: Resources.

As I’m thinking about this – I want to throw out some resources that have been helpful to me while trying to untangle my head and drive out so many bad ideas about sexuality and Christianity.

1. Real Sex - by Lauren Winner

2. Marriage Series – by Tim Keller

3. Sexual Character - Marva Dawn

4. Passion and Purity – Elisabeth Elliot

5. Christ and Culture - Richard Niebuhr

6. A Severe Mercy – Sheldon Vanauken

7. Sheet Music – Dr. Kevin Leman

8. A Celebration of Discipline – Richard Foster

Now – all of these books I have read and picked through over the past 2 or so years. Some of them have been out of true interest, others out of strange curiosity and some purely out of the necessity to understand myself and other people better.

As I consider these things, I’ve realized that the first thing I had to do was put aside my conception of sexuality (because it wasn’t working) and look to Christ to help remake it for me.

It’s still in the process of being remade, and there are things I probably haven’t even realized that I believe about sexuality that are untrue. But like anything else – we must, as believers, pursue truth and find her no matter how hidden she becomes.

So – that’s the start.

Lora

Sex: A Christian Practice.

I’m going to be going through various ideas probably over the next couple weeks  in regards to sexuality. 

As my life has progressed, I have been astounded at the multitude of vague and pathetic responses issued by Christians in mainstream in regards to the question of sex and sexuality – both in relationship to GENDER and INTERCOURSE.  I can’t pretend that my response is the end all be all (would be a little arrogant), and mostly it’s a combination of other people’s thoughts – I just want to begin to discuss it in whatever small and helpful way I can.

While the issue of GENDER as far as sexuality goes is important and integral when discussing the practice of Christian sexuality and I might touch on this a bit, my main concern for this season has to do with GENITAL sexuality, or the practice of sex as Christians – both before and after marriage. 

 

The Ugly Truth

This picture defines how our culture perceives men and women in relation to sexuality and relationship. The heart, for a women, is in the brain – and the heart for a man, is in.. well, you get the idea.

“Guys use love to get sex and girls use sex to get love.” – Unknown

This was quoted to me so many times as a young adult. It was the cure all statement to suggest that guys are just out to use me, and that they’ll say they love me in an effort to get me to have sex with them. The hope being that I wouldn’t be gullible enough to fall for any pathetic rendition of love spouting from a guy, and would keep myself a virgin for some guy who comes along and wants to have sex enough to marry me rather than just having sex with me for the sake of sex.  It puts guys in a pretty foul box, if you ask me, and it makes women feel like no guy is really capable of love first – only sex, and marriage is reserved for men whose self-control and determination is such that they will marry you so they can have sex with you. This quote – while seemingly accurate is not really TRUTH. What it does do, however, is show us where Christian and Secular culture lies on the issue of sex (and “love”). It’s a huge “common sense theology” quote to unpack here, but I’m going to do my best to wade through these waters.

How does this play itself out in Christian marriage? And even before we get to Christian marriage, how does this play itself out in how we are choosing a spouse or dating someone?

1. First off, I want to suggest that it is impossible to get above a culture. We are formed, at our very beginning, by the culture in which we live. It engraves our thoughts, skews our perception, informs the way the think, learn, ask, and hope. We even create new cultural responses based on how culture is acting at the moment. It’s incredible how pervasive culture is – and how quickly things become the norm. The skill of a believer for these things is to consistently be discerning how much culture impacts our lives – how we act, react, think… etc, and begin to affirm what is truth, critique what is harmful, and finally subvert it into redemption. 
2. Secondly, we live in the already and the not yet. What does this mean? This means, Christ on the Cross has ushered in new life, the movement toward ultimate redemption; however, clearly we are not perfected yet, clearly suffering and brokenness stands firm, clearly we are not fully redeemed. So, while redemption is here, it is not yet fully realized. 
    
3. Thirdly, why does this matter when looking at sex? Because, like all practices of Christian faith are not innate to us, sexuality is no different. Like training our hearts for hospitality is hard, so is sex. Like training our minds to love enemies is difficult, so is sex. Just like our perception of satisfaction in relationship to acquiring material possessions for the hope of happiness has been skewed, so sex has been skewed. The reality is that – all good and beautiful things have been broken; therefore, all good and beautiful things require restoration – and sex is high on the list of broken things requiring extensive repair – especially for believers.

To suggest that the practice of Christian sexuality – the true, good and flourishing form of sexuality – has not been ultimately devoured by sin just like everything else, is to align ourselves with an extremely detrimental and ultimately deadly lie: that sexuality is spontaneous and does not require discipline.

And – to suggest that the beginning of a marriage is the ultimate correcting tool for this distortion – is to bring absolute frustration upon people who are not yet married but have a desire to be and married couples (newly and long term). It is a false and destructive assumption that marriage is the cure all for sexuality; or to say that the redemption of sexuality begins in marriage. Can it sanctify and correct our distorted understanding of sexuality? Yes. Is that one of the beautiful things about marriage – it being a tool for sanctification? Yes. But if the recognition and realization that sexuality is broken – both for MEN and WOMEN – does not precede everything, there will be many misunderstandings, pains and shame that line the hall on the way to the bed, and these things further confuse the root – that we are broken and so is our sexuality. 

So what am I ultimately trying to say here about sexuality?

1. Cultural sexuality is not all truth. (though, there are some “accurate” assertions going on based on sin and how people let themselves behave…)
2. The healing of sexuality for a believer begins at the acceptance of Christ as their Lord and Savior – and, like loving enemies, cultivating organic growth and pursuing the fruit of the spirit, we must also bring sexuality under the guide and correction of Christ.
3. Sexuality must be added to the lump of Christian practices that is talked about, critiqued, and ultimately subverted to redemption.
4. The real and beautiful form of sexuality is to be more desired than this bogus conception of sexuality being sold to every tom, dick, sally and beth out there. (This bogus conception includes, but is not limited to – the idea that men are designed with an over-desire and women could do without sex with in marriage).
5. BOTH men and women have broken conceptions of sexuality. And this looks different before and after marriage.

 

Over the next couple weeks, I hope to go through these things and begin a dialogue – if people feel like commenting – on sexuality, or at least see what everyone is thinking about sexuality. 

Everything that I bring up in this blog is in the hope of furthering the understanding of how Christ speaks to these things in our lives, how we can live a life of flourishing, submission, selflessness, and beauty in a world of decay, rebellion, narcissism and ugliness. A lot of this comes from discussions with (and the verbiage, if you know these people will be familiar) – John Cunningham, Wade Bradshaw, Marva Dawn, and my cousin Nicole.

I hope these thoughts are helpful.

-Lora

 

 

Seeing It Through.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”- Romans 12:12

This past week has been one of the hardest for me. It was a personal low and a personal high.

1. I learned how to barista, and pulled about 80 really crappy shots of espresso and finally pulled a decent one and made a heart in the middle of a latte. 

2. I had 2 conversations with employees regarding summer availability and work expectation.

3. I had an exit interview with an employee who resigned because of school load.

4. I confronted someone about work ethic.

5. I began the week by screwing up the schedule, and I had to apologize.

6. I rewrote the schedule twice to accommodate people.

7. I fussed at employee for a mistake I made, and I had to apologize.

8. I got upset with Eric because I’ve been so busy, and I had to apologize.

9. I’ve barely taken any time to read my Bible, to the point where I resented the fact that I had to read it in the first place.

10. By the end of the week I watched about 6 episodes of various shows (all one after the other) that are utter garbage and proceeded to dream about the characters.

11. I went to church on Sunday – even though I didn’t want to because I knew I needed to – first hint: I didn’t want to.

What does this have to do with “seeing it through”?

Well – the question isn’t really how much I fail at the mundane and difficult relational tasks set before me, or whether I’m psychologically unfit to bear the weight of a large work load – the question is whether the burden is mine to bear, or if I’ve really taken on the easy yoke and light burden of learning of Christ.

I was tempted this week to give up – run back into Plato’s cave and watch the shadows of reality dance on the wall, attempt ignorance, numbness and general immaturity. 

Frankly, I don’t want to do this. I have zero desire to live a life of sacrifice or difficulty – and not even the difficulty of not having food or shoes or running water – but the difficulty of confronting friends, employees, spouses.

• The difficulty of apologizing for pride, arrogance and general screw-ups.
• The difficulty of hospitality – having people in your house whether their family or not.
• The difficulty of preaching the “good news” or of learning how to talk about Jesus without offending absolutely every person. 
• The difficulty of learning how to talk to Jr. High girls about sex, God, the gospel, relationships, drugs and alcohol, and just being friends with them.
• The difficulty of leaving my parents and cleaving to my husband – that is, seeking Eric’s advice utmost and first, leaning on him for financial and emotional support, trusting his wisdom and desire for our life over theirs. Ahhhh!
• The difficulty of reading my Bible – of searching deeper for profound and life-changing meanings, of question and researching things I don’t understand, not being too lazy to have my lens recrafted to that of a Biblical world view where my thoughts are shaped by the Gospel and the gospel ISN’T warped by my thoughts. 
• The difficulty of relationship – of not knowing how to talk to people about their pains, their sins, their agony and strife, their joys – their illness or deaths or anything.

Frankly, I don’t want to do this.

Grey’s Anatomy. Doll House. Lost. Private Practice. House. Angel. 

Are all easier to watch and do than real life.

Real life with it’s mysteries, dysfunction, psychological unrest, insecurity and decay is all too difficult to face day in and day out with energy, exuberance and a longing for something greater. It is too hard. And I don’t want to do it.

Yet, the call is to see it through.

The call is to faith: being sure of what I hope for, certain of what I do not see – bringing all of these difficulties to bear on faith, on Jesus – whose yoke is easy, whose burden is light – who has born all of this iniquity and difficulty and conquered death that I might see it through.

Is there joy set before me? Or do I wander aimless into the abyss of difficulty….Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

See it through. Do not give in or up or out. You have not failed in your exhaustion or frustration or anxiety – just put your life back into Jesus’ hands. Let him have control… he will see you through.